How sad it is to live in this place at this time?

I did a calculation based on my current financial situation. If I do not work extra, it is almost impossible for me to sustain my lifestyle.

Well what is my lifestyle? I don’t wine & dine, I do not own any branded handbags or shoes, I don’t go for facials or spa and I hardly go on holiday. Soon, I’ll need to change my car and pay more.

Yet, I am putting my money on insurance and retirement plan. I know I’m taking care of myself before I hit the old age. But to continue living like this is depressing.

So what is the short term solution?

Continue working extra and find a job which pays me better.

The moment I get that call from KLCC, I’m gonna visit the towers and close my current account. Just one phone call.

Posted on 31-05-2010 at 12:00 pm

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These are the things I face everyday which I want to get rid of if I can.

1. Total silence in office. Talking less than 10 sentences a day to anyone.

Remark : If I can leave this job I will. On the other hand I also cannot stand colleagues who brag and chit chat on the phone all day long. Especially women who like to talk about what their bfs or husbands do etc. “I want to go travel”, “ask your bf to buy ticket for you lah”, “dunno where to go”, “last night I went….” etc.

Having facebook alone is bad enough. I see these women without having to actually face them. So I cannot imagine having people like that in the office.

2. Go home to total silence again, but I hear my mother’s scream in my head.

Remark : The home is also a silence place with no one to talk to most of the time. But then, I can almost always hear my mother screaming at my dad. I am traumatized by the whole thing and I hear her in my head.

I need to have my own home, a loving home.

3. Unable to feel love.

Remark : I don’t know what and how people love each other. When I say my bf doesn’t love me, he becomes angry but in reality I don’t feel loved. I feel abandoned most of the days. Even when he is with me, I cannot feel that we are being anywhere close. Eat, TV, Movies and nothing else. Hardly have a heart to heart talk and no discussion about future.

I need to feel love. I feel like giving up. Someone please tell me this is not love, a guy who truly treasures the girl is not like that. Isn’t love suppose be sweet, loving, dependable and makes one feel secured.

Posted on 26-05-2010 at 12:56 pm

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Sometimes I wonder is it worth it for women to have everything? Money, career, family, friends etc.

Why not just let the men take care of things? There is nothing wrong with staying home, taking care of the house, mind the kids and make sure everything is in place, so the men will have peace of mind. Rather than having 2 individuals who are highly stressed everyday.

When in a relationship, I find it very important to have lots of peace and love. However, work and constant worry about future are making it difficult for me to have a life. I don’t feel loved, I have so much to do, I’m in a job that does not go anywhere, I wish I can just disappear.

As I grow older, I realized that unless one is outstanding in terms of looks, talent, career etc, it is not worth it to try to be everything. One ends up unhappy and at the same time is unable to make the man happy. Not to mention the stress level also causes health issues.

I’m so stress now my body is reacting badly to it.

Posted on 25-05-2010 at 8:44 pm

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