Lately I’ve been doing a lot of unpaid designs. Why unpaid? Obviously my design was not chosen. It’s an open market. It is very subjective when it comes to personal preference of the clients. I hope to score one or two design job soon. Make some money to pay the hosting plan for a start.

It’s not all about money really. I also took it as a challenge to practise my skills everyday.

Here are the designs I’ve accumulated in the past 2 weeks.

If you’re looking for a logo design or you know someone who needs some designing work done, please buzz me at FB.

Other than being forced to sit in the office for most part of the day, I am also trying to do more designs hoping to make some money since I’ll have to pay another loan soon.

It’s been quite discouraging because there are so many people who want a piece of what I want too. To them it is not much money since the reward is in US dollars, but it is a lot for me.

Just like the saying there is no free lunch in this world. I’m new there, so I have to learn fast and pick up more tips. Hopefully one day, I’ll be rewarded.

Meanwhile I am feeling down and disappointed at the way how things are in this life, this world.

Honestly, why do people keep going to shopping malls? Why do they want to come before opening hours? People are trying to do their work before opening for business, we do not want shoppers around if possible. The air conditioning aren’t fully cooling down the place even.

There is much more to do than going to shopping malls. Stop feeding “buy buy buy” and “spend spend spend” mentality to the younger generation. It is of no substance and empties the soul. I guess most adults don’t get it because they’re into this themselves. Children are merely following their parents.

To the parents, if you’re taking leave to spend time with your children, spend it by doing something at home, go for a short road trip, visit some places etc. Don’t use the time for your own shopping needs.

Damn, I must get out of a job related to shopping malls.

I did a calculation based on my current financial situation. If I do not work extra, it is almost impossible for me to sustain my lifestyle.

Well what is my lifestyle? I don’t wine & dine, I do not own any branded handbags or shoes, I don’t go for facials or spa and I hardly go on holiday. Soon, I’ll need to change my car and pay more.

Yet, I am putting my money on insurance and retirement plan. I know I’m taking care of myself before I hit the old age. But to continue living like this is depressing.

So what is the short term solution?

Continue working extra and find a job which pays me better.

The moment I get that call from KLCC, I’m gonna visit the towers and close my current account. Just one phone call.

1. Total silence in office. Talking less than 10 sentences a day to anyone.

Remark : If I can leave this job I will. On the other hand I also cannot stand colleagues who brag and chit chat on the phone all day long. Especially women who like to talk about what their bfs or husbands do etc. “I want to go travel”, “ask your bf to buy ticket for you lah”, “dunno where to go”, “last night I went….” etc.

Having facebook alone is bad enough. I see these women without having to actually face them. So I cannot imagine having people like that in the office.

2. Go home to total silence again, but I hear my mother’s scream in my head.

Remark : The home is also a silence place with no one to talk to most of the time. But then, I can almost always hear my mother screaming at my dad. I am traumatized by the whole thing and I hear her in my head.

I need to have my own home, a loving home.

3. Unable to feel love.

Remark : I don’t know what and how people love each other. When I say my bf doesn’t love me, he becomes angry but in reality I don’t feel loved. I feel abandoned most of the days. Even when he is with me, I cannot feel that we are being anywhere close. Eat, TV, Movies and nothing else. Hardly have a heart to heart talk and no discussion about future.

I need to feel love. I feel like giving up. Someone please tell me this is not love, a guy who truly treasures the girl is not like that. Isn’t love suppose be sweet, loving, dependable and makes one feel secured.

Why not just let the men take care of things? There is nothing wrong with staying home, taking care of the house, mind the kids and make sure everything is in place, so the men will have peace of mind. Rather than having 2 individuals who are highly stressed everyday.

When in a relationship, I find it very important to have lots of peace and love. However, work and constant worry about future are making it difficult for me to have a life. I don’t feel loved, I have so much to do, I’m in a job that does not go anywhere, I wish I can just disappear.

As I grow older, I realized that unless one is outstanding in terms of looks, talent, career etc, it is not worth it to try to be everything. One ends up unhappy and at the same time is unable to make the man happy. Not to mention the stress level also causes health issues.

I’m so stress now my body is reacting badly to it.

There are so many photos I haven’t got time to share. Hope I will find some time soon to post some nice pictures here and on my FB page.

It’s raining quite heavily right now. There is going to be traffic jam later for sure.

I wonder when will I get a phone call from the company which shortlisted me? From what I read in forum, they are a bit slow and I wonder how slow?

It is about time I move on to a place where I can be involved in using new stuff, better benefits, better opportunities, freedom to act and implement with flexibility. Right now, I can’t even purchase a pendrive or external HDD for work. How? I use my own because it is necessary in order to get work done.

No wild animals should be treated like human babies. They have to be introduced to their nature by cutting down human contact as they grow.

It is cruelty what these zoo keepers are doing to the young cub.

As an individual I am OK. Being at home 7 days a week, 365 days a year is suffocating for me. I know it is bad for me to say this. But I am doing my best all the time, trying to accommodate my parents and sibling living under the same roof. However, the constant noise and stress created by my parents and the maid is driving me nuts.

My solution to solving problem is simple. Just get rid of what is causing all this bad vibes. It doesn’t work in this situation. Either I get rid of the maid and do all the work by myself, or I get myself out of the house.

How many people still live at home at my age? I think I have done a lot for the family considering I have given up a lot of “enjoy myself time” for the most important part of my life as a young person.

This month has been crazy. I was in Cameron Highlands last week and this Wednesday I am flying off to Yogyakarta.

Cameron Highlands is awesome. I love BOH at Sg Palas. I wish I can live there, minus all the flies.

I’m looking forward to visit Borobudur now.

All I want is to go back to a peaceful home each day, go to holidays with a happy heart, go after my dreams without anyone holding me back.

We must give thanks and be grateful for everything that takes place.

Yesterday I wished that it didn’t rain in the evening so I could return some books and get Bak Kut Teh for dinner. 

True enough it didn’t rain. There was a bit of jam on the road but it was not serious. I got to the library before it closes. After that I got Bak Kut Teh and shared dinner with my bf.

When I got home, it was later than usual. I had to water all the plants around the house and put the laundry to wash. I also realised I left a book in the living room. That means I have to go to the library again.

Minor stuff, no harm. I guess my LOA thing worked out… for most of it, I am grateful and happy.