How was your valentine’s day?
I got a huge teddy bear. The biggest I ever gotten before. Somehow it looks like Greg. I hug it to sleep at night, seeking comfort from it after shedding a few tears.
On Valentine’s day, I was working as usual during the day. Instead of feeling full of love and looking forward to the night, I was near to having a nervous breakdown.
Greg and I had simple seafood dinner at a neighbourhood restaurant. I knew he works hard and has other obligations. I didn’t want him to spend so much. After dinner we went to do what we’ve planned. Was it a plan? Maybe I over estimated myself, I tried too hard.
Why?
I wanted my bf to stay with me but I am not so sure if this will be true anymore.
The guy tells me I have problems and there is something wrong with me. He blames me for my inexperience. I am constantly being reminded of what he is not getting from me, how this will affect our relationship, how my bf or future husband has to find some other women to satisfy his needs etc. Without this, we are no different from normal friends.
I need someone who will support and encourage me with love. I don’t need to be condemn for my lack of experience. I find that I have little support from someone whom I have come to love so much. Instead, he gave me a death sentence there and then.
Does he know that this is causing me emotional pain? What about future plans? What about things we’re going to do one day? Where are we heading? What am I to him? I didn’t ask or demand this from him. I don’t want to be pushy. I understand all this has to come naturally but a girl needs to know she is loved, treasured and as a couple they’re working towards a shared future.
If I am looking for fun or a fling, will I care so much about someone? I probably won’t love someone for who he is. I only need him to satisfy all my wants and needs.
Yeah, he is just a bf, not my husband. He does not need to promise me anything. He does not need to know the future and definitely does not need to stay or help both of us learn about each other emotionally and physically. This is NOT true.
Why do I love so much? Why was I willing to get myself hurt, hoping he will love me more? I feel more alone than ever before.
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